(also appears in February 2009 newsletter)
I recently finished
reading a book about a spouse dealing with her husband's deployment and
found it to be incredibly depressing! (I'll be writing a full review
soon for the website). While deployments are incredibly difficult,
there comes a point for *most* people when they realize they must
accept it and continue living their lives during the deployment.
Nothing else in the world has come to a stop so they can't just stop
either. In this book, she seemed stuck in the "woe is me" phase of
deployment for the entire 12 months.
After I finished it, I
sat there wondering if I was the exception to the rule. Now, don't get
me wrong, the deployments kicked my butt too. And I don't hide the fact
that I allowed myself days to lay in bed all day, surrounded by junk
food while watching sappy movies on Lifetime. But the next day, I got
out of bed and resumed a normal life. At least as much of a normal life
as you can have during deployment.
As I compared our two
experiences, I began to realize a few differences. One, she seemed to
rarely if ever leave her house. She spoke of a few random trips to the
commissary or post office but that was it. Two, she mentioned talking
with friends only once or twice in the entire book. Other than those
few phone conversations that were mentioned, she seemed to be isolated
during the deployment.
I realize that everyone deals with
deployments differently. But my deployment experiences were drastically
different than hers and I think those are two of the main reasons why.
When my husband was deployed, there was rarely a night when I ate by
myself and if I did, it was by my choice. I would get together with
other wives for dinners out, dinner at their house or dinner at mine.
We would get together for BUNCO nights, American Idol nights or any
other night we could come up with as an excuse to make the time go
faster. We shopped, went to movies, went to the beach, all of the FRG
functions, spouse club functions, and more. If it was available, we
were there.
At the time, I didn't realize just how important
being around each other during that time was. But now reading about
someone else's experience who took an entirely different viewpoint on
how to spend her time during the deployment, I realize how much of a
difference it did make.
So PLEASE reach out to other people
during your family member's deployments. Not only will it help the time
to pass faster, it will help you to have that face to face interaction
with others. Get out of the house, off the couch and out of the bed.
Although it feels like time stands still during the deployment, it
doesn't. Being miserable at home doesn't bring him home any faster.
Accept the deployment and separation for what it is and continue to
live your life.