Married to the Army

Homecomings: Part Two

I have received hundreds of emails about my opinion on who should attend homecoming ceremonies. In addition, it is by far the most popular post on my blog and has drawn a wide variety of comments. I have received praise and disgust from spouses and parents of soldiers for my opinion on the issue. And that is okay. I fully expected there would be some who wouldn’t agree with my opinion.

There is one part at the end of the article that I think gets overlooked many times. Or perhaps those who are angry over my opinion can no longer see straight by the time they get to the end of the article. This is the part that I want to further expand on and be sure that it is addressed because in my opinion, it is the most important part of my opinion. I believe it is something that ALL parents and spouses can agree on as well.

If all else fails, then follow the wishes of the soldier.

As I stated before, with my husband’s unit, we were rarely given enough notice for anyone to come to welcome him home. On more than one occasion, I got a phone call from him saying “I’m home, come pick me up.” I had a general idea (think two week window) of when he was coming home but we typically weren’t given an exact date or time until the last possible minute, if at all. So this was really never an issue for us unless someone wanted to just come and camp out at our house for a bit in hopes they would be there when I received the phone call.

But I realize that most units do not operate like this and even though dates and times may change ten times, the family is given notice of when their soldier will arrive. I stand by my opinion that if he is married, the wife and children should be there to greet him and if he is single, the parents, significant other and friends should be there. What absolutely should NOT happen is for the soldier to come home and have no one there to greet him. I have never felt so sorry for soldiers in my life as to witness a homecoming ceremony where no one was there to greet them.

I know some parents and spouses alike take issue with my opinion on who should be there. That is why I said and will say once again, if all else fails, then follow the wishes of the soldier. If your soldier says he wants his English teacher from 10^th grade to be at his homecoming ceremony, then do everything in your power to make sure that happens. After all, it is HIS homecoming ceremony and whoever he wants to be present, should be there to greet him when he returns. However, at the same time, if he says he only wants certain people to be there, then follow those wishes as well. The homecoming ceremony is really not about you as the family member, it is about him and his return back to the states.

Each soldier deals with his return differently. While some are thrilled to be surrounded by lots of immediate and extended family members when they return, for others, this is too overwhelming and he would prefer a smaller gathering. This was my husband’s case. If we had been able to have time to arrange it, he would still have preferred that I was the only one there. He felt like he needed time to decompress before being surrounded by a lot of people again. Had he said that he wanted everyone there (and we were given enough notice to arrange it), I certainly would have done my best to make sure everyone was there.

Let me also say something else. I have received emails from soldiers who have had my original article forwarded to them by a family member. Quite a few were asking for advice of how to play referee between their wives and their parents. In these cases, the soldiers only wanted their wives (and kids in some cases) present. They told everyone about their preference, only to later find out that their wives were being blamed (sometimes relentlessly) by his parents for HIS decision. This was causing considerable strain, not only in their marriage, but also in their relationship with their parents, for the soldier. The last thing any of us wants is for the soldier’s mind to be somewhere else when he is overseas. If he indicates who he wants to be there, then please do not start placing blame on other parties or berate him for his decision. It can be discussed when he’s safely back home again.

One final point and then I will put the issue to rest. Some soldiers who wish to have a smaller reception of people at the homecoming ceremony only need 24-48 hours until they are ready to see everyone else. Some may need weeks. By stating my opinion about who should be at the actual ceremony, I am by no means saying that you shouldn’t see your soldier at all when he returns. All I am saying is to give him the space that he would like – whether that’s no time, 30 minutes, a few days or a few weeks.  

To conclude, let me say once again, if all else fails, follow the wishes of your soldier!

Army Wounded Warrior Program

The Army has launched a new website to help those who have been wounded while serving our country find the information that they need including benefits and programs that are available to them and their family members. The website can be found at:

http://www.aw2.army.mil/

New Military Residency Rules

For periods of enrollment that begin after July 1, 2009, members of the armed forces (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard) on active duty for a period of more than 30 days and his or her spouse, or his or her dependent children will be eligible to receive in-state tuition at public colleges and universities in the state where they reside or are permanently stationed. Once a Service member or their family members are enrolled and paying in-state tuition, they will continue to pay the in-state tuition rate as long as they remain continuously enrolled at the institution even if the Service member is reassigned outside the state.

The Department of Education has worked with the institutions of higher education and is confident they are aware of the changes in the law and are fully implementing the policy. However, as we all know, there is always the chance that someone just doesn't get the word. If this happens, you should contact the financial aid or registrar's office at the institution. You can also contact the Veterans Affairs office at the institution. Even though you are active duty, these offices should be able to assist you. In the rare cases where these steps don't resolve the situation, please contact the Department of Education's Ombudsman's office (toll-free at 877 557-2575).

This information is provided by Military Homefront.

New Sections on Married to the Army

At the Married to the Army website, I have added new sections including the rumor mill, National Guard/Reserves and dating a soldier. New articles are being uploaded weekly and I'm working diligently to provide content for these sections. But I can also use your help!

Is there a common rumor that you hear all the time about the military that needs to be debunked?

Is your soldier serving in the National Guard or Reserves? How do you find it is different than active duty? What additional challenges do you face? Or do you find it to be a better choice for your family than active duty?

Are you currently dating a soldier? Would you like to share your story about how you met and the challenges involved with dating a soldier?

Did you have a military wedding? Would you like to share your story about your engagement and marrying your soldier?

If you can answer any of these questions in a short story to be posted on the site, please email me at stacey@marriedtothearmy.com. Submissions are always accepted for all categories. The more we all share, the more we can help our fellow military families navigate this lifestyle. Don't be shy about sharing your story!

Tricare: A Good Deal?

I hear many people complaining about healthcare in the military. Though, I'm truly baffled as to what they are complaining about. Before my husband joined the military, he had single coverage through his employer and I had single coverage through my employer because it was cheaper than doing a family plan through one employer or the other.

My insurance was about $100/month in premiums alone. A doctor's visit was a co-pay of $25 with a separate co-pay if lab work was required. I had a $300 deductible to meet every year and had to pay 20% for any type of procedure. Still, this was considered a fairly decent policy for the civilian world.

So when we transitioned to Tricare Prime and had to pay nothing out of pocket, I was thrilled! I only had to pay a co-pay if I went to see a specialist and only had to pay $3 for my prescriptions if I chose to have them filled at a civilian pharmacy instead of on-post. I had a major surgery and paid $0 for it.

Since he was medically retired, we were able to continue Tricare Prime. We pay roughly $40 a month for the premium and it is well worth it. Last April, I had to go to Texas (we live in Georgia) to a cancer center for extensive testing to rule out inflammatory breast cancer during my pregnancy. My total cost? $24. In August, I had an induction followed by a c-section, not to mention nine months of pre-natal care and two hospital visits to be monitored for high blood pressure. My cost? $0.  

I agree it can be a pain to have to go to my primary care manager every time I need to get a referral to another doctor. But the fact that I then only have to pay $12 to go to that specialist? What exactly do I have to complain about? Someone fill me in on what all the fuss is about because frankly, I just don't get it!